I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
