the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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