I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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