what day is it and did you see me today?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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