i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
