I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
