Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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