Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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