Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
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Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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