Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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