She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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