Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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