I just saw a hot homeless man
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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