so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
