Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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