I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
