He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
