he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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