Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
