Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize