First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
