The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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