then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
mondays should just be called national damage control day
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
