Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
