Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
