you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
