they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
