That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
