NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
