Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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