Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize