I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
