I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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