I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
