question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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