I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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