so that wasnt chicken after all
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
