You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You ate ashes out of my bong
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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