I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
