dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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