do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
