gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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