the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
