need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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