ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
