I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
