My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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