I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
