Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
