Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
