You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
