RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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