Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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