Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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