Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
