Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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