i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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