I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Success! We fucked roommates!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
