totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
