3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
