he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
