he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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