I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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