i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
