i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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