btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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